"Quiz for People Who Know Everything"

This is a quiz for people who know everything! I found out in a hurry that I didn't. These are not trick questions. They are straight questions with straight answers.


1. Name the one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends.


2. What famous North American landmark is constantly moving backward?


3. Of all vegetables, only two can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons. All other vegetables must be replanted every year. What are the only two perennial vegetables?


4. What fruit has its seeds on the outside?


5. In many liquor stores, you can buy pear brandy, with a real pear inside the bottle. The pear is whole and ripe, and the bottle is genuine; it hasn't been cut in any way. How did the pear get inside the bottle?


6. Only three words in standard English begin with the letters 'dw' and they are all common words. Name two of them. {dweeb is not an answer}


7. There are 14 punctuation marks in English grammar. Can you name at least half of them?


8. Name the only vegetable or fruit that is never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form except fresh.


9. Name 6 or more things that you can wear on your feet beginning with the letter 'S.'


ANSWERS BELOW.......

Answers To Quiz:


1. The one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends: Boxing


2. North American landmark constantly moving backward. Niagara Falls. The rim is worn down about two and a half feet each year because of the millions of gallons of water that rush over it every minute.


3. Only two vegetables that can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons: Asparagus and rhubarb.


4. The fruit with its seeds on the outside: Strawberry.


5. How did the pear get inside the brandy bottle? It grew inside the bottle. The bottles are placed over pear buds when they are small, and are wired in place on the tree. The bottle is left in place for the entire growing season. When the pears are ripe, they are snipped off at the stems.


6. Three English words beginning with dw: dwarf, dwell and dwindle.


7. Fourteen punctuation marks in English grammar. Period, comma, colon, semicolon, dash, hyphen, apostrophe, question mark, exclamation point, quotation mark, brackets, parenthesis, braces, and ellipses.


8. The only vegetable or fruit never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form but fresh: Lettuce


9. Six or more things you can wear on your feet beginning with 'S': Shoes, socks, sandals, sneakers, slippers, skis, skates, snowshoes, stockings, stilts.


Please do your part by remembering to send this email to at least one unstable person. Well, my job's done! Just don't send it back to me. I've already flunked it once.

George Bush in a School

George Bush goes to a primary school to give a speech.
After his talk he offers question time.

One little boy puts up his hand and George asks him what his name is.
"Bob".
"And what is your question, Bob?"

"I have 3 questions. First, Why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?
Second, Why are you President when Kerry got more votes? And
Third, What happened to Osama Bin Laden?"

Just then the bell rings for recess. George Bush informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess.

When they resume George says, "OK, where were we?
Oh that's right --- question time. Who has a question?"

A different little boy puts up his hand . George points him out and asks him what his name is. "Steve"
"And what is your question, Steve?"

"I have 5 questions. First, Why did the USA invade Iraq without the
support of the UN? Second, Why are you President when Kerry got more votes?
Third, What happened to Osama Bin Laden?
Fourth, Why did the recess bell go 20 minutes early?! And
Fifth, Where is "Bob"? !!

The Best "Out of Office" E-mail Auto-Replies

1: I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position.

2: I'm not really out of the office. I'm just ignoring you.

3: You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.

4: Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed so that I may be promoted to management

5: I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation on 4/18. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.

6: Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.

7: The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.'
(The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over).

8: Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

9: Hi. I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.

10: Hi! I'm busy negotiating the salary for my new job. Don't bother to leave me any messages.

11: I've run away to join a different circus.
AND, FINALLY, THIS ONE TAKES THE CAKE:

12: I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as 'Loretta' instead of 'Steve'...

Rajnikant

Rajnikant was bragging to Amitabh Bachan one day, "You know, I know
everyone. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them.

Tired of his boasting, Amitabh Bachan called his bluff, "OK, Rajini how
about Tom Cruise?"

"Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it" Rajini said.

So Rajini and Amitabh Bachan fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom
Cruise's door,

And sure enough, Tom Cruise shouts: --- "Thalaiva! Great to see you! You
And your friends come right in and join me for lunch!"

...Although impressed, Amitabh Bachan is still skeptical. After they leave
Cruise's house, he tells Rajini that he thinks Rajini knowing Cruise was
Just lucky.



"No, no, just name anyone else" Rajini says


.."President Obama", Amitabh Bachan quickly retorts

..."Yes", Rajini says, "I know him.


And off they go. At the White House, Obama spots Rajini on the tour and
motions him, saying, :----"Rajini, what a surprise, I was just on my way
to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of
coffee first and catch up".


Well, Amitabh Bachan is much shaken by now, but still not totally
convinced. After they leave the White House grounds, he implores him to
name anyone else.


"The Pope," Amitabh Bachan replies

..."Sure!" says Rajini, "My folks are from Italy and I've known the Pope
a long time".


Rajini and Amitabh Bachan are assembled with the masses in Vatican
Square when Rajini says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye
among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me
just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope."

And he disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican .. Sure
enough, half an hour later Rajini emerges with the Pope on the balcony.

But by the time Rajini returns, he finds that Amitabh Bachan has had a
heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.
Working his way to Amitabh Bachan's side,

Rajini asks him, "What happened?"

Amitabh Bachan looks up and says,

"I was doing fine until u and the pope came
out on the balcony and the Italian man next to me said,


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"Who's that on the balcony with Rajini?"

Recession

डूबते हुए आदमी ने
पुल पर चलते हुए आदमी को
आवाज़ लगायी "बचाओ बचाओ"
पुल पर चलते आदमी ने नीचे
रस्सी फेंकी और कहा आओ...

नदी में डूबता हुआ आदमी
रस्सी नहीं पकड़ पा रहा था ।
रह रह कर चिल्ला रहा था
मैं मरना नहीं चाहता
ज़िन्दगी बड़ी मेहेँगी है
कल ही तो मेरी एक कंपनी में नौकरी लगी है..

इतना सुनते ही पुल पर चलते
आदमी ने अपनी रस्सी खींच ली
और भागते भागते वो कंपनी गया
उसने वहां के H.R. को बताया की
अभी अभी एक आदमी डूबकर मर गया है
और इस तरह आपकी कंपनी में
एक जगह खाली कर गया है...

में बेरोजगार हूँ मुझे ले लो...
H.R. बोली , दोस्त तुमने देर कर दी,
अब से कुछ देर पहले हमने उस आदमी को लगाया है
जो उसे धक्का दे कर तुमसे पहले यहाँ आया है !!!

JOB HOPER

Interesting. ....Don't miss the last 2 Questions...

Some, rather most organizations reject his CV today because he has changed jobs frequently (10 in 14 years). My friend, the ‘job hopper’ (referred here as Mr. JH), does not mind it…. well he does not need to mind it at all. Having worked full-time with 10 employer companies in just 14 years gives Mr. JH the relaxing edge that most of the ‘company loyal’ employees are struggling for today. Today, Mr. JH too is laid off like some other 14-15 year experienced guys – the difference being the latter have just worked in 2-3 organizations in the same number of years. Here are the excerpts of an interview with Mr. JH:

Q: Why have you changed 10 jobs in 14 years?
A: To get financially sound and stable before getting laid off the second time.

Q: So you knew you would be laid off in the year 2009?
A: Well I was laid off first in the year 2002 due to the first global economic slowdown. I had not got a full-time job before January 2003 when the economy started looking up; so I had struggled for almost a year without job and with compromises.

Q: Which number of job was that?
A: That was my third job.

Q: So from Jan 2003 to Jan 2009, in 6 years, you have changed 8 jobs to make the count as 10 jobs in 14 years?
A: I had no other option. In my first 8 years of professional life, I had worked only for 2 organizations thinking that jobs are deserved after lot of hard work and one should stay with an employer company to justify the saying ‘employer loyalty’. But I was an idiot.

Q: Why do you say so?
A: My salary in the first 8 years went up only marginally. I could not save enough and also, I had thought that I had a ‘permanent’ job, so I need not worry about ‘what will I do if I lose my job’. I could never imagine losing a job because of economic slowdown and not because of my performance. That was January 2002.

Q: Can you brief on what happened between January 2003 and 2009.
A: Well, I had learnt my lessons of being ‘company loyal’ and not ‘money earning and saving loyal’. But then you can save enough only when you earn enough. So I shifted my loyalty towards money making and saving – I changed 8 jobs in 6 years assuring all my interviewers about my stability.

Q: So you lied to your interviewers; you had already planned to change the job for which you were being interviewed on a particular day?
A: Yes, you can change jobs only when the market is up and companies are hiring. You tell me – can I get a job now because of the slowdown? No. So one should change jobs for higher salaries only when the market is up because that is the only time when companies hire and can afford the expected salaries.

Q: What have you gained by doing such things?
A: That’s the question I was waiting for. In Jan 2003, I had a fixed salary (without variables) of say Rs. X p.a. In January 2009, my salary was 8X. So assuming my salary was Rs.3 lakh p.a. in Jan 2003, my last drawn salary in Jan 2009 was Rs.24 lakh p.a. (without variable). I never bothered about variable as I had no intention to stay for 1 year and go through the appraisal process to wait for the company to give me a hike.

Q: So you decided on your own hike?
A: Yes, in 2003, I could see the slowdown coming again in future like it had happened in 2001-02. Though I was not sure by when the next slowdown would come, I was pretty sure I wanted a ‘debt-free’ life before being laid off again. So I planned my hike targets on a yearly basis without waiting for the year to complete.

Q: So are you debt-free now?
A: Yes, I earned so much by virtue of job changes for money and spent so little that today I have a loan free 2 BR flat (1200 sq. feet) plus a loan free big car without bothering about any EMIs. I am laid off too but I do not complain at all. If I have laid off companies for money, it is OK if a company lays me off because of lack of money.

Q: Who is complaining?
A: All those guys who are not getting a job to pay their EMIs off are complaining. They had made fun of me saying I am a job hopper and do not have any company loyalty. Now I ask them what they gained by their company loyalty; they too are laid off like me and pass comments to me – why will you bother about us, you are already debt-free. They were still in the bracket of 12-14 lakh p.a. when they were laid off.

Q: What is your advice to professionals?
A: Like Narayan Murthy had said – love your job and not your company because you never know when your company will stop loving you. In the same lines, love yourself and your family needs more than the company’s needs. Companies can keep coming and going; family will always remain the same. Make money for yourself first and simultaneously make money for the company, not the other way around.

Q: What is your biggest pain point with companies?
A: When a company does well, its CEO etc will address the entire company saying, ‘well done guys, it is YOUR company, keep up the hard work, I am with you.” But when the slowdown happens and the company does not do so well, the same CEO etc will say, “It is MY company and to save the company, I have to take tough decisions including asking people to go.” So think about your financial stability first; when you get laid off, your kids will complain to you and not your boss.

ख़ुद निकाल लो या इंतजार करो

एक बच्चा अपनी मां के साथ किसी रिश्तेदार के घर गया हुआ था। बच्च बड़ा प्यारा था। रिश्तेदार ने जब मां को चाय बनाकर दी, तो बच्चे को भी कुछ देना जरूरी था। सो, वह टाफ़ियों से भरा मर्तबान ले आया। उसने ढक्कन खोलकर बच्चे से कहा, ‘बेटे, इसमें से जितनी चाहो, टाफ़ियां ले लो।’

और कोई बच्च होता, तो ख़ुश होकर तुरंत मर्तबान में हाथ डाल देता, पर इस बच्चे ने कुछ नहीं किया, चुपचाप खड़ा रहा। रिश्तेदार ने दुबारा कहा और मर्तबान उसके थोड़ा और पास ले गया। लेकिन बच्च टाफ़ियों को देखता रह गया, पर उसने हाथ नहीं बढ़ाया। अब तो अजीब स्थिति हो गई। न तो मेजबान ने, न मां ने सोचा था कि वह ऐसी बात करेगा।

मां जानती थी कि बच्चे को टाफ़ियां बहुत पसंद हैं, इसलिए उसे और ज्यादा हैरानी हो रही थी। मां को लगा कि बच्च रिश्तेदार के सामने झिझक रहा है, इसलिए इस बार उसने ख़ुद कहा कि बेटे टाफ़ियां निकाल लो। लेकिन बच्चे पर कोई प्रतिक्रिया नहीं हुई, वह वैसे ही खड़ा रहा।

आख़िर रिश्तेदार ने एक मुट्ठी टाफ़ियां निकालीं और उन्हें बच्चे की दोनों जेबों में डाल दिया। बच्च ख़ुश। अब मां को बेहद उत्सुकता थी यह जानने की कि उसके बच्चे ने इस तरह की तहजीब आख़िर सीखी कहां से! वापसी में घर जाते हुए मां ने बच्चे से पूछा कि उसने टाफ़ियां ख़ुद क्यों नहीं निकालीं, तो बच्चे ने बड़ी गंभीरता से जवाब दिया, ‘मां, तुमने ध्यान नहीं दिया, अगर मैं अपने छोटे-से हाथ से टाफ़ियां लेता, तो आख़िर कितनी आ पातीं! लेकिन चाचाजी ने अपनी मुट्ठी में भरकर टाफ़ियां दीं, तो मेरी दोनों जेबें भर गईं।’

सबक़

जब हम ख़ुद लेते हैं, ख़ुद कोई इच्छा करते हैं, तो हमें अपेक्षाकृत कम ही मिलता है। लेकिन जब भगवान देता है, तो हमारी झोली उम्मीद से भी ज्यादा भर जाती है।